Basic Principle: The happiness I have been refused is enjoyed by others.
Where they focus most of their attention: What is missing.
What Fours understand about themselves: They are continually on the lookout for something that’s missing, and they wish to find it in the hopes of gaining happiness. This missing ingredient is what they strive for, and anything else is average in comparison. They have a deep underlying sense of abandonment and that they are not loved. They feel unique and different, and that their authenticity sets them apart. Threes are romantic, sensitive, and self-aware.
Type Four – A Brief Overview:
Fours need to express their authenticity and uniqueness. They are self-aware and are guided by their emotional intuition. However, they tend to keep those around them at arm’s length to hide their vulnerability and imperfections. Because they believe that they are unique and different from everyone around them, they can often show a lack of respect or feel exempt from the ordinary, everyday realities. They tend to fall into patterns of depression and self-pity. However, at their best, they are incredibly creative, offering a sense of calm and authenticity to the world around them.
Desires: To feel valued and worthy.
Fears: Feeling like they’re no one and being unworthy.
Wings: Three-Wing with Five-Wing
Type Four Overview:
Expressing their individualism is the number one priority of a four. Fours view themselves as different and unique from those around them, with special talents or gifts that only they possess. Because they view themselves this way, they may also feel as if no one can understand or love them the way they deserve. Fours are very aware of what sets them apart – both positive and negative aspects.
When a Four is healthy, they can be honest with their emotions and motivations, letting go of any need to suppress or deny them. They are not ashamed to take off the mask and show people who they are, exploring the flood of emotions that comes with doing this. When doing this, healthy fours believe that they can learn and understand the truth of their experience and the feelings that they have experienced. They believe in exploring the full spectrum of emotions, and this includes its darker aspects, such as sadness and grief. This makes it easier for them to sit with painful experiences without breaking.
Unfortunately, this number is characterized by a sense of lack, and many Fours feel as though they’re missing something within themselves or their lives but are unsure of what it is. With enough introspection, they may learn to recognize that they are uncertain of their self-worth or personality. They feel as though they lack a steady identity, especially in social situations, that allow them to feel comfortable.
While Fours view themselves as different or unique, they do not want to be alone. They long to have someone that can look beyond what they present to the world and see for who they are. When Fours do not receive the validation they crave, they may develop an “Individualist” point of view or identity. Ther motto is: no one understands me, and I am different. They can be socially awkward and self-conscious, secretly envying the confidence and ease with which people carry themselves.
Fours often struggle with their self-worth and low self-esteem. They do not have a clear sense of themselves and usually go through life experimenting with different identities, selecting the qualities or styles they admire. Fours are emotional beings, and their selections are based on how they feel at the time. However, because they crave an identity that is stable and secure, they tend to accept some emotions while rejecting others. By doing this, they believe that they are authentic to themselves. When they are not trying on different identities, they are cultivating a fantasy image of themselves through their imaginations – one that encompasses all the qualities that they desire.
A big hurdle that Fours face is their inability to let go of the past. They tend to mull things over in their head, focusing and nurturing the negative feelings associated with the pain and disappointments they have experienced. By doing this, they find themselves trapped in a cycle of discontent, and are unable to recognize the wonderful things in their lives. Until they realize that they are good enough and deserve happiness, they are preventing themselves from experiencing all the incredible qualities they have to offer. Their identity is based on this theme, one where they are the victims, and to acknowledge any good attributes would mean having to let go of this identity. But they have so much more to offer the world once they do!
Learning to grow within Type Four
Try not to give so much power to your emotions. One of the biggest mistakes a Four can make is to allow their feelings to identify them. They are often unable to see that the Self is not their emotions, and it is essential to make a distinction between these two concepts.
Because they are such emotional beings, Fours tend to procrastinate because they’re waiting for the right mood. Try to avoid doing this by taking small steps to become more productive. Jump into work that brings meaning to you, as this is the only way that you will be able to realize yourself and your potential. You will not find that special something you’re looking for by waiting for inspiration to knock you over the head, but you must go out and search for it.
There will never be a “right” time to take on a project or challenge. Therefore, you will need to muster all your courage and attempt the very thing that scares you. It is the only way to stop yourself from pressing pause on your life. Place yourself in the path of positive experiences, ones that will cultivate the best in you, and start small if you have to. This is the only way you will learn to bolster your self-confidence and banish low self-esteem.
Self-discipline is another habit that you will need to cultivate, as you tend to avoid the negative emotions or realities by escaping through drugs, alcohol, or excessive fantasizing. Therefore, it’s best to develop your self-discipline and add healthy habits into your daily routines, such as regular exercise, work, and sleep. Try not to spend too much time conversing with your imagination, but go out and live your life instead of imagining it.